Sunshine Girl. ☀️

Sunshine Girl. ☀️

My whole life I’ve been nicknamed “Sunshine”.

My family, friends, strangers. They felt my instant positive vibes from my smile and emit almost like a pheromone from my skin.


I’ve always been capable of handling other people, even difficult ones, and always have been a person people come to for help and can count on. I feel their feelings. I cry their tears. I listen to their stories. I offer a positive insight.

Being an empath, I am able to imagine almost every situation from someone else’s point of view. Why they act how they act, why the make the decisions they make, why they say the things they say.

That person who cut you off in traffic and gave you the middle finger, maybe they are rushing to the emergency room where their loved one was just admitted. The couple arguing loudly in the store, maybe they just had a miscarriage. The employee who was rude while you were shopping, maybe their mother just died but they have to work to pay for the funeral.

You. Never. Know.

I always try to find reasons why others aren’t as pleasant as we’d like, I always smile and try to be nice to everyone. I try to do everything I can to help others.

I’ve been praised for how I am. I’ve been put down for how I am.

“You’re too nice…” “You care too much about strangers…” “Those things don’t matter…”


I’ve never allowed negative feedback to sway me or change my mindset.

One thing I had to learn the hard way is people simply will not care about you back.

They will not care about others the way you care.

They will not care about you how you care about them.

I’ve had to learn how to recognize people who want to focus on negativity, who lack empathy and who want to put me down instead of lift me up.

These people are toxic.

I used to make excuses and try to ignore the simple things. Like the road rage, the simple neglect for other people’s emotions or feelings, constant degrading comments about others.

Bumping into someone accidentally and the response being “Watch the fuck out, idiot!” or passive aggressively handling things instead of honestly saying how you feel and trying to fix it and keep going.

One time, I was riding passenger in a car and the driver was speeding. Someone was walking across the road and  I said “Watch out for the human!” and they, I’m NOT kidding, SPED UP faster and the person had to run across the rest of the way.

How hateful is that?

How can someone go through life constantly having negative, hateful thoughts about everyone around them? All they see is darkness. All I see is sunshine.

We are all human. Raised with different values from different cultures but we all bleed red.


Some people have conversations only focused around other people. Not about things, ideas, or things of substance. Simply focusing on people and how they are fuck ups or how they are stupid.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Let’s all listen to Eleanor. I think she knows what she was talking about!

They insult you on a personal level. Don’t take any responsibility. They gaslight you and try to make you feel like you’re the wrong one. They reverse the situation onto you. They pick you apart and compare you to their “superior” way of doing things.

I have my own thoughts sometimes. I’m not perfect. I make quick judgements just as everyone else does.

My point is, I don’t let it over take my mind. I don’t let it take over my conversations and my relationships. I try to not make personal insults when I’m upset. I understand emotions are temporary and life is better when focusing on and emphasizing positive emotions.

I try to respect others. I try to leave room for openness, understanding and kindness in my relationships. I don’t hold grudges. I try to listen and not be petty.

The biggest issue I’ve had to deal with in being empathetic is understanding that other people simply DO NOT CARE.

I would try to always explain my side of things and hope they would see things from my point of view as I would try to see things from their point of view.

Instead, I would be shot down. Told I was selfish. Told I didn’t understand. They never let me understand. They never told me how they felt; they simply insulted me on a personal level.

My entire life, all I wanted was for those I love to understand where I was coming from and my thought process. Including my own family. I never tried to make excuses. I only wanted them to understand me.

Unfortunately, they were incapable of opening their own minds to welcome any other possibilities. They simply were not able to understand me.

I would have to “shut my mouth” in order to maintain any kind of peace and would feel like they didn’t care about me enough to listen to me speak and share my own views.

You can only take so much. You know what your limit is. I never wanted to give up. I wanted to be a good friend.

Letting go was and is hard. Especially since all I wanted to do was love.

Luckily, those people grew separate and apart from me. I’ve let them go.

I realized how toxic they were, how much they affected my emotional and mental well-being.

I’ve learned to stand up for myself against toxic people because honestly and unfortunately, they are a part of life.

I have learned to be aware, present and mindful of those around me. I’ve learned to identify “energy vampires” who crave the drama and the attention. They will suck an empathetic person dry.

Let. Those. Suckers. GO!

We must not allow their toxic personalities to infect us into becoming like them. What matters is how we react, how we handle the situation and how we handle ourselves. Learn to meditate, let all of the negative energy flow through you and make its exit, leaving room for positive energy and growth.

If you don’t know anything about meditation, there are apps and many articles online how to do it. Or shoot me an email!


When they go low, we must go high. They can be blinded by my shine. They may want to turn off my light…

But my sun will always shine. 

I do not have to become like them in order to protect myself. Once you realize this and you have your own self security and self confidence, you can conquer all of the energy vampires in the world!

 

Keep going, keep growing and keep loving. Be present.

Grow and love with me?

xoxo,
Stila

 

Half-Price Love. 💲💲💲

Half-Price Love. 💲💲💲

Every store you go into, you’re going to find a discount section.


Items with up coming expiration dates, broken or damaged items, last seasons clothes, and misfit items forgotten by the world.

I browse these sections and occasionally find something worth taking home. My current decorative bowl on my dining table is from TJ Maxx and had a small chip on the corner of it that is hardly noticeable.

I never expect to get a perfect product when I buy it from that discounted section of the store. I knew the bowl was chipped. I bought it anyway. Score! 🙋 🙋 🙋

When throwing money at things, we want to get what we pay for. Why would someone pay full price for a set of wine glasses missing a glass? Or a wall coat rack that is missing a hook? Unless they already are okay with what they are getting, of course.

That red sticker indicating it is a sale price is a good way to know you get what you pay for and it is already reduced in price and may be damaged.

In the real world, humans do not come with red stickers indicating they are broken or damaged.

We are clueless as to what we are getting up front.

We extend ourselves to others, as a friend, family member or lover and expect a full return of what we equally give them.

That’s not how it works.

We drain ourselves into our relationships and spend all of our hearts only to be unknowingly paying full price and receiving only half price love.

Relationships are not easy in any capacity or in any type. Family, friends, lovers, etc.

They blow you off for other people or other plans, they only come to you when they need something, they dismiss you as less important, they do not listen to you or take your feelings into consideration, they act like they support you to your face but then change their narrative once they are not around you.


Friends who supported me, then turned on me without a word despite me trying to reach out to them. Family that disappeared and seemingly want nothing to do with me and do not have the balls to talk to me despite my trying to reach out to them.

Those who slowly drifted away and would make plans, never show up, and I’ve gotten the excuse “When you meet the one you want to marry, you’ll understand.” (Mind you, he/she cheated on her/him several times and now they are broken up and with other people!). So, I guess he/she was just a shitty friend. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️


I’ve had people that supported my decisions in something, then lied to others saying they never supported me and advised me against it, then made fools of themselves by their own texts that prove they actually did support me in the first place. They back stabbed everyone, talked constant shit about everyone, started drama among their friends and I thought I could trust them? Well, family or not, they tricked me. I also lost one of my favorite people because of this. I miss being his friend.

Or if you tell someone you love them only for them to tell you they are annoyed by you and to stop telling them you love them.  Be nice, do things for them, only to receive anger and indifference. Half price love. 😢


People are cowards to the point they cannot even return a text or phone call. They shy away from conflict when they are confronted by you or they react in anger or confusion or they will not even hear your perspective.

I learned the hard way, over and over again, that giving your all doesn’t always mean you will get anything back. These fake friends do not deserve you!!!

Paying full price for half price love only leaves you on empty.
I’ve since learned a few things to look out for to detect a possible half price human...

1. What they have to say about their current friends and family. Are they positive? Or do they only complain about them/talk negatively with no real merit? 

2. How do they handle tough situations? Examples: Wrong order at a restaurant, someone cuts them off in traffic, work stress, disagreements with opposing opinions). Are they understanding or do they think everyone besides them is stupid?

3. Communication: how do they handle you telling them something that bothers you? Do they tell you if you do something that bothers them? Are they willing to listen and work with you to solve the issue?

4. Are they focused on the problem or do they focus on a solution? You need someone willing to make things better in your life, not constantly bring you down. 

5. Do their actions match up with their words? Are they realistic? If someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them. Don’t be so forgiving that you allow them to mistreat you.

6. How do they handle criticism and how do they handle compliments? Responding with anger or always boasting is not a good sign.

These are all great questions ask yourself when dealing with someone and you aren’t quite sure if they will be a good person to be in your life or not.

Do not have expectations from someone who has not shown you who they are as a person.

People do not know what you expect or what you want so it is good to get that out in the open in the beginning of any friendship/relationship.

Remember, they owe you nothing! You owe them nothing. It is a difficult mindset to keep but it is important to remember this. I also learned this the hard way.

Remember: self-reliance.

Through therapy and my own self-growth in the past year, I have learned to use these questions and be more aware of how others are acting towards me, talking to me and their consistency with me.

It is not just about me being a good friend. They also have to be a good friend in return.

My current friendships and relationships are filled with people who I have the highest respect for… They are honest, real, trustworthy, always there when I need them. They show up. They keep their word.

I also do my best to be reliable and good to them.

We tell each other if we bother each other or hurt each other’s feelings. And we do better. I cornered my now ex co-worker (still great friend though!) in the work break room one time because she was acting shady. She hugged me and we chatted. You do things like that for people you care about; you don’t just let it go unattended.

Another friend went through a very hard time. She kept her distance but I made sure to check in with her reminding her I was there. Now she is feeling better and came back around and talking more like she used to. It is all about understanding and love.

One friend, I can call and tell her she’s being crazy and she will say “thank you” and calm down. Friends that ask how I’m doing and actually give a damn. I have close friends that live across the county and we still pick up like we haven’t missed a beat when we talk. Mutual love, respect and care.


As far as relationships and dating, I try to be as up front and honest as possible. I guess I’ll learn as I go along and do my best since I haven’t had a real, healthy relationship yet. I am excited to use what I have learned and hope to find someone that is willing to put up with me! I’m told I can be a bit “much”… 😅 😇

Trust is not something that has to give it all at once to someone. It is okay to give them a little at a time and build up to the full amount. They have to earn it. I used to struggle with this and sometimes have to catch myself giving too much. If that trust is ever broken, and you want to keep that person in your life, trust can be rebuilt by watching their words and actions. Keep in mind, you have to want it. You only know what your emotional maturity can handle.

When someone disappoints me or does me wrong, that is their problem. As someone who meant a lot to me once told me “People come and they leave. Not all of them are meant to stay.” It shows their character. Not mine. It hurts but I do not let it put out my fire or dull my energy. 🔥 🔥 🔥  I hold no grudges against those who have done me wrong and I also will not waste my energy worrying about them. Good vibes and positive energy. ✌️

We may not control the universe or other people but we control how we react to it all. We are humans. We make mistakes.. and when we do something wrong, we have ownership over ourselves and how we handle it, no one else can define us.


And once we have total ownership and security in ourselves, no one, and I mean no one can disrupt that or interrupt our flow.

You deserve full price love. You deserve friends who will be real with you. You deserve people who will love you and treat you with kindness and respect. You deserve a man or woman who truly wants you and is willing to stand up and do whatever it takes for you.

Do not settle for less.

Ever. 💃 💃 💃

I’m here.

xoxo,
Stila 🖤

 

🎵🎵🎵🎵

“I Don’t Care” – Fall Out Boy

“Say my name, and his in the same breath,
I dare you to say they taste the same,
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let December glow in flames

Erase myself and let go,
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends, they don’t love you
They just love the hotel suites, now!”

Recharge. 🔋

Recharge. 🔋

Hey, you, slow down. It’s important to take a step back sometimes. Take the scenic route.

Think. Feel. Embrace.

Do you remember cameras that needed actual batteries? AA or AAA.

If they died, you were fucked.

shock

Then they made “rechargeable” AA and AAA batteries. You had a buy an adaptor that plugged into the wall and put the batteries in the adaptor to charge. Those didn’t last. Or did they? I have no idea.

Now cameras and phones have chargers you connect to them or the battery. We even have solar rechargeable cameras. Wireless charging. Portable chargers.

Cameras are important. Of course, I have one on me at all times on my cell phone as do most people in today’s society. (I’m an Android girl!)

We use them to capture the most valuable moments in our lives. Engraving them into our history and capturing as much as we can in our portable memory pockets.. So that we may relive them, not forget irreplaceable moments in our short time in existence.

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One of my favorite things to do is scroll back through my camera roll, Instagram or saved Snapchats.

Whether it be years ago, when I was my thinnest yet unhappiest in my relationship, or one year ago, when I was single and learning to find myself through therapy and self-love/self-growth.

I see pictures and videos saved from times that caused me to laugh until I cried, times that actually made me sad, ugly cry and ones from priceless gatherings with friends and family….

Like that night that my friend *jokingly* slapped my other friend in the face to “wake him up” so we could go out in the city (makes me laugh, to this day!); that day that we spent all day on the patio sipping mimosas without a care in the world; that time when my family and I all wore matching halloween t-shirts (it was adorable); when my friend spilled wine on my leg and he didn’t want to waste it, so he licked it up; when my co-worker and friend gave me dating advice … “Let him suffer!”; and one of my favorites… When my best friend and I raved about how thankful we are for WATERPROOF STILA<3

And… even pictures and videos with my ex. Yup. Mierda.

Let’s face it, over four years of being involved with someone, you accumulate a lot of photos! While I have not deleted all evidence yet, the feelings I get when I see those photos certainly remind me how far I have come, how much I have grown and even how I miss him. (Hey, it was FOUR YEARS!) I cannot replace that feeling… And I am not ashamed of it. It will always be a part of me, no matter what. Always.

I digress. (Sorry, not sorry).

Those moments I listed above, and countless more, are ones I do not want to forget. For the rest of my life, I will look back and see them and relive those funny, happy, or even sad memories. We do tend to forget the little happy moments of life, don’t we?

remember

We tend to remember only the bad or negative things. I find that sad. What if we changed the narrative and reinforced the good? Find that good. 

Cherish it always.

Now, imagine if your camera battery (or phone) had DIED. No charger. UGH!!! I can hear your frustration through the internet. Your modern day diary is unavailable and you can no longer record your memories. (or check Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Youtube, Instagram….etc)..

Okay, okay. Enough torture.

My point is, as important as it is in today’s society to keep our devices charged, so we don’t miss the opportunity to capture a moment, reply to a message, call a loved one, keep up with the latest news…

It is EQUALLY if not MORE IMPORTANT to keep yourself mentally charged.

As easy as it is to just phase through life like a zombie, taking care of mundane tasks, making cruise control choices, working, sleeping, eating, talking, scrolling on social media… Waking up months from now with no recollection of where you came from, how you got there, or what happened along the way..

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YOU MUST RECHARGE YOURSELF.

I had a conversation tonight about how in life, happiness does not just simply exist. Each individual (that is capable), is in charge of their happiness. It must be fought for.

Envision it. Say it. CREAT IT. Make it a reality. Do not cruise control through life.

If you do not take care of yourself, show yourself self-love, learn self-growth, positivity, FORGIVE those who have wronged you, let go of bad situations and toxic people and toxic environments, or take steps towards bettering yourself or your emotional/mental well being… then…

I’m afraid your battery WILL BE DEAD.

You will phase through life unaware, unattached, unhappy and unavailable. Yikes.

Take time for you. Spoil yourself. Embrace the moment. Feel the emotions. Cry. Feel and redirect the negativity that is latent in all of us as humans towards positivity and goodness.

Now, don’t ignore the negativity and bad feelings.. Instead of running from things, solve them and embrace them. Work for what you love and what you want. Be in sync with your emotions. FEEL THEM.

feels

It is worth, I promise.

Do not let fear, anger, sadness, or guilt halt your self-growth or make you think you do not deserve happiness and love.

Read up on self-love, self-help, self-growth.. Listen to audiobooks.. Watch youtube videos.. Just google it. You have resources!  Starting with me.

Call out that person that hurt you and forgive them, try something you didn’t think you’d be able to do, take that bubble bath, get to the gym or be active, take care of your body, create the best version of you, meditate, write a letter to someone (yes, snail mail!), call your friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, go for a walk outside, make amends to something that is troubling you, start that new hobby you’ve been wanting to try, binge watch that Netflix series, eat that ice cream, create real, honest and lasting relationships, and most importantly….

Allow yourself to LOVE and to be LOVED.

moulinrougelove

Make time for yourself. You deserve it. Recharge. Be selfish. Find clarity.

I cannot say it ENOUGH!

RECHARGE.

Be good to yourself. I’m here.

xoxo,
Stila

Oh…

Here’s a GIF of this guy. I’m obsessed. #TheFlash

harrison

And as for tunes…

Paramore – After Laughter (Basically the whole album). You’re welcome.

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