Wild Exploration 🍆

Wild Exploration 🍆

In a world overpopulated with fuckboys and fuckgirls, how do you find an agreeable companion?

I’m definitely not a pro at this relationship stuff. I mean, look how the last one ended.. He basically ran away screaming and left everything in flames. 😆😆😆

Unfortunately, this means that loving someone just simply is not enough.

You’re thinking “but Stila, I thought that love conquers all?”

WRONG!
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What conquers all is having love for yourself.

Yup. You.

No matter how hard you try to fight it.. No matter how much you want to be happy with someone else, no matter how much you love them… You will never be happy unless you are happy with yourself. 

Date yourself. Get to know yourself. Love yourself. Don’t be afraid to be alone.

I was scared to be alone. Believe it or not.

When I started to dabble around in the dating scene, I was on Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, you name it. This, my friends, is the land of fuckboys. (And fuckgirls, I am sure!)

I was going on up to five dates a week. Just hanging out and meeting people. Anything to not be home alone. 

I’d go out with one guy then meet another one after that for another drink or a movie. Crazy, right? I was SO afraid of being by myself!

When a guy would say “Tell me about you”… I would literally have no clue what to say. 😱

What are my hobbies? What do I care about? What is important to me? What are my goals? How do I spend my time? Who are my favorite people? What is my life story? Will they care about me? How do I encompass myself into a few short words, easy enough for a fuck boy to understand?

Haha, the last one was a joke. Fuckboys don’t care about that stuff. Silly, Stila!

More importantly, why am I setting myself up with these fuckboys? What did I want in a relationship? What were some things I expected? What was I not going to negotiate on? What was important to me in a partner? Did I even want a relationship?!

I made a list about me. I slowed down and took time to learn about Stila. To think with no distractions and to really get to know myself.

I made another list, most importantly, about things I would NOT compromise in my relationships. Things I never had before yet imagined that would be important to me. I listed things that might be negotiable… And things that are not that important to me.

This ranged from how said partner would treat me and treat others (family and even strangers), their current relationships with friends and family, past relationships, stability in their life, career and goals, even their looks (hehe).

You know, for breeding purposes. 😈

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Most importantly, their passion and dedication to whatever they are into or doing in life. Whether it be work, hobbies, dreams for the future, or relationships. I want to see they are alive, present and that they care.

Meeting someone isn’t difficult. Tinder, for example, is full of available men or women in your chosen mile range. It is like being on a wild exploration of a forbidden safari, except with fuckboys. So much to see. So much to choose from.

The only problem is most of them just want to grab your butt without even learning your middle name. Come on, boys. I thought y’all were smart! 👀

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One time, a guy thought it was okay to try to put his hands DOWN MY SHIRT after he so politely walked me to my car in the parking garage. I’m like, you bought me a $6.00 glass of wine and you think this is what you get? NO SIR.

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He proceeded to send me nudes and sexual innuendos. I’d post a picture of me with my cat and he’d send me a message saying “I wish I was your cat so I could be on top of you.” 😶 I eventually responded and said Are you not capable of having a normal conversation?” He is intelligent, as he is a GT Engineer, but unfortunately, the intelligence comes straight from his dick. 😆😆😆

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Another one met me one time and he instantly became psycho. First of all, he could not spell. He had a iPhone. Does he not even have auto-correct? When he came over (which I will never do again when first meeting someone), he played video games with me and my roommate. He did bring ice cream and wine, which was super nice and we did not ask him to do that. After the fact, he began to basically tell me I cannot talk to anyone else if I am talking to him…

We. Met. Once.

I had to drop him like a hot plate!

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Not to mention the multiple 👻 GHOSTS 👻 I have encountered. May they rest in peace! They talk to you, then disappear. I’ve done my share of ghosting too so I cannot say much, but I’m getting better at it, promise!

Anyone can buy you dinner or buy you a drink, but it’s when they actually TALK to you, respect you, want to get to know you, make effort and plan dates and outings, is when it is important. I think there is something missing in boys these days. Respect. Manners.

A brain other than the one in his penis.

I want to be courted, dammit! 

There are a few questions I like to have answered by a guy once he passes the “Ok He Is Not a 100% Fuckboy, He is Only So Far a 85% Fuckboy” stage. It is important to not only listen to what he says and actually hear him but also pay attention to his actions and patterns.

I dive into these, usually fitting them into conversation:

1. How did you meet your best friend?

2. What holidays/events/traditions are special to you?

3. Where do you want to be in five years?

4. Do you like to be active/go to the gym/be healthy?

5. How open minded do you consider yourself regarding politics, religion and unpopular issues?

6. What are you looking for and what are your intentions? 

A person who has healthy relationships, has the same outlook and values as you, wants to take care of himself, has a plan and goals that align with yours (marriage, travel, health, family, children, or whatever it may be), is on the same vibe as you, and is willing to be open minded and accept that he is not the only one on this planet with beliefs and values…

Now THAT is a man I would be after … *swoons* … 😍😍😍

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And he opens doors and plans dates and texts me first and tells me how pretty I am and doesn’t care that I am crazy!

Do you exist, man? Please come find me at 123 Internet Street! 💒 💒 💒

Even the most perfect man will do things to get your nerves. He will leave the toilet seat up, leave his socks everywhere, leave dishes in the sink… but you have to ask yourself “Am I okay with these things?” Because honestly, they aren’t that big of a deal.

I promise.

On this wild exploration, I suggest the focus be changed from trying to fill the void with a man that is not worthy to not be lonely … to filling it yourself so when a man comes along that is worthy, you are already whole. 

Once you find out who you are and what you want in a companion, you don’t have to have a lot of trouble hunting through the fuckboys (or fuckgirls) because you already are a step ahead! You already KNOW!  ✌🏼 ✌🏼 ✌🏼

Make your own plans with friends and family. Do things for yourself, even if you are alone. Go get a manicure. Go on a walk. Go have a cocktail at a fancy bar. Hit the gym. Bake or cook something new. Grow a new plant. Read a book. Go on a short road trip.

Be busy on your own time, not on a fuckboy’s time. Plan your life around you. Have your own life and your own self-worth.

Be confident. Be self-reliant. Be a bad-ass.

Don’t give up on love. Don’t give up on yourself.

You deserve love. You deserve happiness. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

No matter what you’ve done or what you’ve been through. It does not define you.

You define you. You decide your current actions and who you are. 

Now, go kick some ass and be good to yourself.

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High-five!

xoxo,
​​​​​​​Stila

P.S. Season Five of House of Cards came out yesterday. I guess we know what I’ll be doing! I try to watch this while I’m on the treadmill on Netflix on my phone. It helps the cardio go by faster (You can download Netflix shows to your phone now so it doesn’t use up your data!)

What I’m listening to:

“I’m Here to Take the Sky” – Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows (D.R.U.G.S.)

“She said, “I’m so sorry
You’re going through all of this
You’re gonna be fine, there’s plenty of time”
She said with the flick of her wrist
She said, “Don’t you worry everyone gets pissed
At the end of the line, falling behind
Fear is so hard to resist”
But there’s no telling what tomorrow brings
If the sky is the limit then I’ll build a bridge up to it
If I make it back, I’d still want more, more
If the sky is the limit then I’ll steal the air that’s in it
I won’t take it back, I’d still want more, I’d still want more
She said, “It’s time to wake up
You’re acting like such a fool”
If you’re gonna go on you gotta be strong
Life can be so cruel
And now the time has moved on
I haven’t seen her face in years
But the things that she said are stuck in my head
Now I’m walking through fire and fear
But there’s no telling what tomorrow brings
If the sky is the limit then I’ll build a bridge up to it
If I make it back, I’d still want more, more
If the sky is the limit then I’ll steal the air that’s in it
If won’t take it back, I’d still want more
I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry
I’m gonna live my life and my dreams
I’m gonna make my rules, my own scenes
I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry
I’m gonna live my life, take chances
Full of hope and new romances
Sorry, sorry, I’m not sorry
If the sky is the limit then I’ll build a bridge up to it
If I make it back, I’d still want more, more
If the sky is the limit then I’ll steal the air that’s in it
I won’t take it back, I’d still want more, I’d still want more

If the sky is the limit then I’ll build a bridge up to it

If I make it back, I’d still want more
I’d still want more, I’d still want more”
The Evolution of Fuckboys. 👨

The Evolution of Fuckboys. 👨

Unless you’ve been buried in a bunker for the past few years or living in the Fortress of Solitude, you more than likely know what a “fuckboy” is.

Urban Dictionary gives us many definitions of this term but one can only understand if they’ve suffered the effects of a fuckboy. (I’ll leave you free to search that yourself).

It is kind of like actually suffering through a tornado versus just watching one on the news.

You see, a fuckboy is unique to its chosen host. Like a virus. If he gets into your system… You’re basically screwed. Heart broken. Mascara wasted. Get to Ulta, ladies, and score you some waterproof mascara because you’re going to need it.

You basically have to just live out the course of the Fuckboy if he gains access.. No antibiotics can cure this disease.

*Disclaimer* Not all men are fuckboys. *End Disclaimer*

Stage One: Young Years (Birth to Puberty)
Baby is born male in a time period where technology will flourish, availability of women will be high, sexuality will be exploited and the struggle will be REAL.
His mommy and daddy tell him he is special and wonderful. He cannot fail at anything. He can have whatever he wants!

Stage Two: Middle Years (Puberty to 18ish)
Young male has blossomed and discovered his PENIS. Wow! *sarcasm*
One female looks at him and he is locked on her like a Navy submarine ready to pursue into enemy territory and lay down his attack. Whoops…. Then another female looks at him… Then he lays eyes on another female.. Which direction does he go? ALL OF THEM.
Mommy and daddy said he can have whatever he wants, remember?!

Stage Three: Full Fuckboy (18ish to Whenever he GROWS UP and BECOMES A REAL MAN)
At this point, whatever is said goes in one year, through his dick and out the other ear.
Full Grown Fuckboy will say whatever necessary to convince you to get into bed with him. He does not want any labels. He will tell you “you’re the only girl I’m talking to”. He has several social media accounts. Calls you “bae” and never your name. (Imagine if he accidentally called you Jane but your name is Jessica. Yikes.) They’ve evolved. No conscious. They are dangerous! Innocent ladies fall for this all the time.

Stage Four: Graduation
This last stage is left for Fuckboys who have “somewhat” become respectable men capable of an actually honest relationship. They have graduated from the Full Fuckboy stage! *yay* They either:
1) knocked a girl up and had to grow up quickly or
2) fell in love and became a man that she deserves or
3) he grew tired of his own bullshit or
4) he enters Eternal Loop of Fuckboy – Never to escape the grasps of Fuckboyism or
5) he died and no one will remember the dead as a Fuckboy — It just simply is not polite.

Dating in this modern day is worse than a Brazilian full body wax with a sunburn. Ghosting is prevalent. Dating online and apps *mainly* focuses on sex and being “casual”. Meeting men in person is difficult because most men are pussies and terrified to approach you. The ones who do approach you only want to take you home then call you an Uber after they get what they want. No thanks!

The grass is always greener on the other side for the Fuckboy.. and trust me, they have multiple lawns grass to play on. No one wants to actually get to know you, talk on the phone, or enter into anything serious. They want to play on your lawn but never water it or maintain it. They want those weird feeling fake always-green lawns used for sports fields.

 

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My Advice: Build a fence around your lawn and keep an eye out for pesky, feral Fuckboys roaming around. If not, you might get rabies, or worse…. FEELINGS.This modern dating world is harmful to relationships, understanding, compassion, communication. Too much anxiety on who should text first or who should add who on social media. Too many expectations on the first date.

How do we lost romantics survive this?

Well. Stay behind your fence. Do not allow Fuckboys to enter. I know the attention is nice. I know he says all the right things… BUT SNAP OUT OF IT, SISTER.

He is a Full Fuckboy!
Get. It. Together.

 

If he’s not holding your doors open, being a gentleman, concerned with your emotions and well being, being honest about his intentions, and consistent in his actions, words, promises, showing effort and making plans etc… Then he is a Fuckboy.You also need to make your intentions clear, lady! Don’t be a fuckgirl! Ouch..

YES THOSE DO EXIST.

Other symptoms of a Fuckboy:
Asks for nudes, sends you dick pics without any notice, has every social media outlet installed but will not add you on them, phone always is going off but hides it, asks you to “Netflix and Chill”, no ambition or strive to be better, does not want labels and does not introduce you to his friends, never genuinely asks about your day, has a lot of drama with ex’s and women, never plans and initiates actual dates (like candlelit romantic shit dates), texts you at 2AM saying “sup”, etc.

*FURTHER WARNING* 
Watch out for a Fuckboy disguised as a Graduated Fuckboy. These are an elevated species who have discovered women are smarter than a Full Fuckboy.. They try to feign the Graduated Fuckboy stage in order to deceive you. Beware!

Really. Be careful out there..

LOOK FOR: Consistency, effort, honesty, timeliness, ambition, healthy family and friendship relationships, empathy, he is a gentleman to even strangers, he is direct, has integrity, self-confident, and a positive attitude, self-sufficient in his bills and is stable, etc.

Graduate you a Fuckboy and hang him in your living room, above the fire place, like a trophy!

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​​You are a bad-ass. You are wonderful.

​You deserve to be treated right.

​xoxo,
Stila


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